My weight is still up by about 5 lbs but my body fat is still in a good place so I’m trying not to stress about it. I decided that I’m just not good at sticking to the same schedule each day. If my weight is up, I want to try something different and if my weight is way down, I tend to be a little more lax. So instead of fighting my natural tendency to be sporadic, I’m just going with it. Today my weight was down 1.3 lbs so I did a 4 hour window. I felt like I ate a lot but I didn’t have dessert so that’s something.

For the last year and a half, I’ve been a full-time activist. It’s really been an amazing adventure. I’ve met so many interesting people and done things I never thought I’d be brave enough to do from organizing protests and starting my own Indivisible group to being interviewed on the news. I’m proud of myself and feel like I’m being a good role model to my girls. We have to stand up and fight for what we believe in. Anyway, I took a little break over the holidays but things are heating back up again which means things will be busy, busy, busy. This weekend will be my 3rd Women’s March. I remember how nervous I was that first march. I didn’t know anyone but met people that have become close friends. I’m no longer nervous for these kinds of events. It instead feels like a celebration of what we’ve achieved and a reminder of how much is still ahead.

Today:

Weight: 158.4 lbs

Food:

smoothie, baked chips

Pickles, berries, nuts

Bowl of chili, glass of wine,

Exercise: walk dogs 30 mins, yoga 25 mins

I got the YUNMAI scale and it’s pretty cool. It syncs with your phone app and tells you body fat, bone mass etc. Not sure how accurate it is but it is supposed to be one of the more accurate scales. I was nervous to get on it because for the last couple of years I’ve been using a scale that only tells you how much you’ve lost or gained. So I’m always having to do math in my head to figure out my weight. I was worried that it would say I actually weighed way more than I thought but actually it was about 1 lb less.

Soooo it said my body fat was about 22% which is in the healthy range and actually for my age I shouldn’t really go much lower. My BMI is still high though so I guess I just need to lose some weight but not a lot of fat. I guess just keeping the proportions the same is key. Interesting. It definitely made me feel better though. My visceral fat was in a good range as well so that’s good.

Now I’m just confused on what my weight goal should be and what my plan should be. I swear it changes everyday. I tried for 23/1 today but just got too hungry and ended up at about 21/3. I’m pmsing so it’s to be expected I guess. The problem is I’ve gotten away from clean fasting and the stuff I put in my tea is making me hungry. I don’t really want to go back to black tea though. It’s just not enjoyable. I wish I could have cream but it gives me reflux. Cream doesn’t make me hungry probably because it’s not spiking my insulin. See my conundrum?

Well I guess I have to take it day by day for now…

156.2 lbs

22/3

Soy latte w/ stevia x2

Crackers and cheese, grapes, coconut water

2 pieces of sweet potato, ricotta and thyme bake

Several pieces of chocolate

Dry day-yay! Oh and Jon has decided to go vegetarian so I’ve joined him and the girls already were. We are officially a vegetarian household!

Exercise: yoga 30 mins, walked 3 miles

Finally found a moment to sit down and post. We went to Los Angeles for a few days and had a lovely time. I really miss being near family and was a good reminder that we’re not alone. We do have people that love us and care about us. Sometimes I forget that we’ve got a solid clan and they’ve got our backs.

We stayed with Jon’s mom and she has such a lovely home. It feels so cozy and safe. Now if she’d just get a new mattress in the guest bedroom, life would be perfect but oh well.

We had a lovely time visiting family, going to the stunning Getty Museum and going out to dinner. I finally got to visit my 94 year old aunt whose recovering from a stroke. She was so happy to see us, it brought tears to my eyes. It’s still hard for her to communicate clearly but my daughter played piano for her on her beautiful old steinway and she was clearly moved. I’m so glad we visited her.

We got back on the 31st and Jon announced that he wanted to go vegetarian over our NYE dinner. Both Talia & Zoe are already vegetarian so I decided to hop on board as well. It’ll make cooking dinner and choosing restaurants much easier. I’m excited!

I made a bunch of New Year’s resolutions including a 5 year plan. Basically I want to be doing more with my life. I really don’t feel as if I’ve been living up to my full potential but I do have two amazing kids so it hasn’t been a waste. I’m just ready for a bit more!

Here’s what I jotted down:

2019 a year of action.

1. get finances under control

2. Declutter house

3. Get photos up

4. Fix things in house and personal items such as jewelry

5. Get health check ups for everyone in the family.

To help reach goals quit tv during the day. Start by eliminating 1/2 hr a week.

5 year plan 2019-2024

1. do the above

2. Embrace yoga lifestyle–do yoga 5x/week, become yoga certified, learn gratitude, (see the good in others), Teach yoga at home by pool? , meditate.

3. Plant-based cooking-become better, Instagram page, holiday pies? Write pie book?

4. Fasting- can I become a fasting coach? Nutrition degree?

5. Write a book about my 75 lb weight loss journey with recipes

6. Read this everyday.

Daily plan:

-yoga

finances/paperwork

plant based cooking

weekly

Meditate

Weekly

-declutter/photos/fix things around house

writing

health check ups

misc to do

look into education/certification

A lot of goals but why not shoot for the stars, right?

Today I did pretty good:

Weigh: 157.6 lbs (still holiday high!)

Fast: 18/5.5

Ate:

Cottage cheese w/ nuts, 2 apples, tea latte

Pickles, coconut water

Coconut cassoulet, salad

Yogurt with berries and nuts

Exercise: 50 mins yoga, walked 6 miles

I miss when my kids were this age. So sweet and innocent and full of wonder. I love them to pieces but these teenage years are challenging. This break has been good. It’s given me and Jon time to reconnect. Also, I realize I do way too much for them. That’s the people pleaser in me. Something to work on.

Well after yesterday’s mini meltdown I realized a lot of my struggle comes from the conflict I feel about being a dieting feminist. I know fasting is supposed to be a “lifestyle” and not a diet but let’s face it, it’s got the same goal. To lose weight. We try to say that it’s to feel healthier but 90% of it is about appearance. If we’re honest. I struggle with that because I don’t like that women have to try to fit in this tiny and very specific standard of beauty. But I feel better fasting & I actually feel more sane around food. And yup, I wouldn’t mind looking fantastic in a pair of size 6 jeans. Focusing on this stuff is just who I am and that’s okay.

Today was good. I had a lunch date so I did a 17/7 with no snacking between meals. I also took a break from sweets today and that felt great after having overdone it for the last few weeks here. I think I’m going to be okay. I just need a plan I can feel good about and I need to just kind of relax into it without worrying about the scale too much.

Today:

Weight: 157 lbs (could be worse..)

Fast: 17/7

Ate:

1/2 salad with salmon, cup veggie soup, sf chai

Pickles, pickled mushrooms, glass wine

Pot roast, roasted veggies

Plain yogurt, fruit, nuts

My babies. I put them on a plane two days ago to Los Angeles to be with their Bubbie. I miss them but it’s nice to have a break. And honestly their grandma is much better at keeping them entertained than I am.

Yesterday I was in a bit of a dark place. I wrote this:

“Wow, I’m frustrated. I’m tired of fasting, I’m tired of dieting. I don’t want to fast, or diet or do NoS, or watch my carbs or limit my sweets or count steps or follow any exercise or eating rules/plans. But I also don’t want to gain weight and I don’t want to eat all day and feel sick and I know I can’t do intuitive eatimg because I’ve tried it a million times and it just made me crazy (and fat). So basically nothing is left. I have no answers, no options and feel stuck. Not eating is fasting and I don’t want to do that right now either.

Not sure where all this is coming from. Probably 6 months of fasting with no more weight loss. Probably too much listening to anti-diet podcasts. Probably seeing my sister and her saying absolutely nothing regarding my 50 lbs loss. Probably me assuming that I hadn’t lost enough to warrant a compliment from her. Probably me not wanting to conform to her ridiculous standards. Boy, does she mess up my thinking. I start to lose track of what I even want for myself.

Ugh, hopefully tomorrow I will have some answers. I need to know what my plan is, right?”

Today I woke up and thought maybe I need to fast less. It seems to be getting to me. I could see me doing OMAD three times a week and then 2 or 3 meals the other days. Dr. Fung really cautions against doing the same thing every day because our bodies start to adjust so maybe this wouldn’t be a bad thing. I don’t know, I’m weary and honestly probably need to take things day to day at this point.

I did do OMAD today though and it felt pretty good. Jon & I went out to dinner. We tried a new restaurant near us and it was really nice. I ate a lot but oh well. My weight is up and it worries me. I cannot gain it all back after all this but this is a tricky time of year. No need to panic, right ?

Weight: 157.2 lbs

Fast: (about a 3 hr window)

Ate:

Fried tofu, salad wedge with blue cheese

Salmon, risotto, zucchini , 2 glasses wine

Split s’mores, m&ms

This is what happens when we try to take Tessa on a long walk–one of us ends up carrying her halfway into the walk. Oh well, I did get in my 14k steps according to my pedometer, but I feel like it’s overly generous. Maybe I need to invest in something more accurate like a Fitbit?

Well today wasn’t so great but not horrible either. Just little things adding up–financial stress, my weight, sassy teenagers. You know how it goes. Then to top it off when my girls and I were getting our nails done, the woman doing my nails asked if I was the girls mom OR grandmother? What?! I did have my girls a bit older at 35 and 37 but I’ve never had anyone ask me that before. People usually mistaken me for being younger than I am so this was a bit of a blow.

Oh well. It could be worse. Christmas makes me a bit grumpy too to be honest. It’s not easy being Jewish during this time of year especially here in Arizona. It’s not fun feeling like an outsider but all and all it’s not a big deal. We usually have Chinese food and go to the movies but this year our neighbors invited us over so my husband and I will go over there after we take our girls to the airport. They’re going to Los Angeles to visit their grandparents. I’m looking forward to a little break.

I did fairly well with my OMAD but did have a few extra pieces of chocolate and a stray glass of wine outside my window. I’m not going to stress about it. Sometimes I wonder if I should even bother trying to lose anymore weight. Would it really increase my happiness that much? I don’t know. It would make shopping more fun though right?

Oh well, just a bit of an off day but tomorrow will be better, I’m sure.

Today:

Food:

Pears, pickles, nuts, tea latte

Cincinnati spaghetti chili (https://ohmyveggies.com/recipe-vegan-cincinnati-chili/) , chips, glass of wine

Chocolate, glass of wine

Exercise: 15k steps

Weight: 156.8 lbs 😏

Despite my best intentions, taking Tessa to the groomers was about the only thing I accomplished today. Well I did make my kids chocolate chip pancakes and finish all the laundry so there’s that, but other than that, it was definitely a lazy Sunday.

I was hungrier than normal but managed to wait till 2pm to eat. It definitely feels good to finally be consistent with my plan. However, as I was listening to Kayla’s new podcast (https://sixmilestosupper.com/podcast/), I did start to wonder if exercise was the missing piece for me. That’s one thing I really haven’t figured out and it’s been very hit or miss. I know Kayla doesn’t attribute much of her success to the walking part of her plan, but I can’t help wonder if it would help.

For awhile I was training for a mud run and really enjoying it but after learning about all the various injuries that commonly take place during those races, I really lost my motivation. When I thought about it, walking really does make the most sense. I can do it anywhere and with very little equipment. I can even walk in my house if needed. We’ve got a fairly large one story house so there’s really no excuses.

(Photo: Even Tessa gets tired walking down this long hallway.)

Because I’m completely unoriginal, I’m just going to adopt Kayla’s plan of 14k steps. Hey, seems to be working for her. I have a cheap pedometer but may need to upgrade at some point. We’ll see how it goes.

Today:

Fast: 18/5

Weight:

Today’s weight: 155 lbs

Highest weight: 210 lbs

Weight starting IF: 175 lbs

Goal weight: 135 lbs

Short-term goal: 154 lbs

Ate:

Nuts, fruit, smoothie, veggie patty

Asian chicken salad, bread

Few pieces of chocolate, glass of wine

Exercise: none