My babies. I put them on a plane two days ago to Los Angeles to be with their Bubbie. I miss them but it’s nice to have a break. And honestly their grandma is much better at keeping them entertained than I am.
Yesterday I was in a bit of a dark place. I wrote this:
“Wow, I’m frustrated. I’m tired of fasting, I’m tired of dieting. I don’t want to fast, or diet or do NoS, or watch my carbs or limit my sweets or count steps or follow any exercise or eating rules/plans. But I also don’t want to gain weight and I don’t want to eat all day and feel sick and I know I can’t do intuitive eatimg because I’ve tried it a million times and it just made me crazy (and fat). So basically nothing is left. I have no answers, no options and feel stuck. Not eating is fasting and I don’t want to do that right now either.
Not sure where all this is coming from. Probably 6 months of fasting with no more weight loss. Probably too much listening to anti-diet podcasts. Probably seeing my sister and her saying absolutely nothing regarding my 50 lbs loss. Probably me assuming that I hadn’t lost enough to warrant a compliment from her. Probably me not wanting to conform to her ridiculous standards. Boy, does she mess up my thinking. I start to lose track of what I even want for myself.
Ugh, hopefully tomorrow I will have some answers. I need to know what my plan is, right?”
Today I woke up and thought maybe I need to fast less. It seems to be getting to me. I could see me doing OMAD three times a week and then 2 or 3 meals the other days. Dr. Fung really cautions against doing the same thing every day because our bodies start to adjust so maybe this wouldn’t be a bad thing. I don’t know, I’m weary and honestly probably need to take things day to day at this point.
I did do OMAD today though and it felt pretty good. Jon & I went out to dinner. We tried a new restaurant near us and it was really nice. I ate a lot but oh well. My weight is up and it worries me. I cannot gain it all back after all this but this is a tricky time of year. No need to panic, right ?
Weight: 157.2 lbs
Fast: (about a 3 hr window)
Fried tofu, salad wedge with blue cheese
Salmon, risotto, zucchini , 2 glasses wine
Split s’mores, m&ms