Day 10

(Photo: Proof they love each other.)

My babies. I put them on a plane two days ago to Los Angeles to be with their Bubbie. I miss them but it’s nice to have a break. And honestly their grandma is much better at keeping them entertained than I am.

Yesterday I was in a bit of a dark place. I wrote this:

“Wow, I’m frustrated. I’m tired of fasting, I’m tired of dieting. I don’t want to fast, or diet or do NoS, or watch my carbs or limit my sweets or count steps or follow any exercise or eating rules/plans. But I also don’t want to gain weight and I don’t want to eat all day and feel sick and I know I can’t do intuitive eatimg because I’ve tried it a million times and it just made me crazy (and fat). So basically nothing is left. I have no answers, no options and feel stuck. Not eating is fasting and I don’t want to do that right now either.

Not sure where all this is coming from. Probably 6 months of fasting with no more weight loss. Probably too much listening to anti-diet podcasts. Probably seeing my sister and her saying absolutely nothing regarding my 50 lbs loss. Probably me assuming that I hadn’t lost enough to warrant a compliment from her. Probably me not wanting to conform to her ridiculous standards. Boy, does she mess up my thinking. I start to lose track of what I even want for myself.

Ugh, hopefully tomorrow I will have some answers. I need to know what my plan is, right?”

Today I woke up and thought maybe I need to fast less. It seems to be getting to me. I could see me doing OMAD three times a week and then 2 or 3 meals the other days. Dr. Fung really cautions against doing the same thing every day because our bodies start to adjust so maybe this wouldn’t be a bad thing. I don’t know, I’m weary and honestly probably need to take things day to day at this point.

I did do OMAD today though and it felt pretty good. Jon & I went out to dinner. We tried a new restaurant near us and it was really nice. I ate a lot but oh well. My weight is up and it worries me. I cannot gain it all back after all this but this is a tricky time of year. No need to panic, right ?

Weight: 157.2 lbs

Fast: (about a 3 hr window)

Ate:

Fried tofu, salad wedge with blue cheese

Salmon, risotto, zucchini , 2 glasses wine

Split s’mores, m&ms

4 thoughts on “Day 10

  1. Have you been feeling stressed for a while? I know you must already know this because most of us on a weight loss journey seem to know all there is to know about weight loss…but somehow stress and lack of really good sleep over a long period of time make us gain weight. You seem really tired of it all…as we all get sometimes. How about taking a break from it all for some time, and not weigh yourself, not diet/fast/exercise or anything. Instead, only focus on doing things that make you happy, make you laugh. Just a few days. It won’t hurt. And give yourself permission to gain weight. Do you think you could try that? Just enjoy the rest of 2018. Sleep more. Watch movies. Do whatever you want to. In fact, do ONLY what you want to. Do you think you can do that? Sending you warm hugs from across the miles…

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